I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
