Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
