That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
