If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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