I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
