He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
