Your face is a jimmy john
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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