wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
