Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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