As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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