If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
