The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
