I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There r osticjed everywhere
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
