Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
