I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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