My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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