You made me cry and you don't even care
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
