You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I had to cum in my sink.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
