i barfeds in our rink
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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