i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
