i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I have fence marks all over my body
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