Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
