hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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