Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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