So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
