watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
As shirtless as possible
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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