did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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