ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
