Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
