Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
