and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
