awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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