My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
no you cant smoke seaweed
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
