Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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