I will die if light touches me.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
