i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
