mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
