did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
