My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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