Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
