I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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