She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
