I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
