Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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