dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
