remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
