Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
