If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
