If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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