I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
