You can't special order awesome
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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