you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Randomize
