you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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