do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
