Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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