And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
