are you still at the devil's house?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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