hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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